oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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