You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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