I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
