I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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