My first STD was from a foam party
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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