my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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