Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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