Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
