I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize