It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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