Non-Jews are for practice
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize