you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
