I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i love accidental penises.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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