the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think i peed on brittanys purse
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
