We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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