its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
