this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
