You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
