Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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