the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Dicks are not precious.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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