I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
