Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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