It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
