question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
