You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
