I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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