At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think my fart just growled at me.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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