It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
