You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
