the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
