I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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