and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
