TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
