Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
