drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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