Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's blow job season.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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