Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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