I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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