I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
