how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
