btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
