i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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