Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
honey bunches of taint.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
