He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
