i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think your dad took our porno
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
