New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
