my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
