If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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