he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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