I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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