My first STD was from a foam party
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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