Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
