During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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