And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
