Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
