Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
