one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
