i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
