Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
