I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize