adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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